Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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