just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
