if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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