who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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