I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want her autograph on my taint
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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