Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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