Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
