I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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