Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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