i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
