singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.