I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What drink are we having for lunch?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
