I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...