Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
These 25 Drunks Shouldâ€™ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didnâ€™t Know What They Were Getting In To
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.