god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here