Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

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(562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever. http://tfl.nu/2p77

Replies (292) Good night (29853) Bad night (13506)
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(214): View more from Texas

I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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(214): I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work http://tfl.nu/fhj1

Replies (47) Good night (743) Bad night (3428)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

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(978): I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/sljh

Replies (7) Good night (2906) Bad night (618)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

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(814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo

Replies (37) Good night (7319) Bad night (2090)
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(440): View more from Ohio

We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

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(440): We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate. http://tfl.nu/v1r2

Replies (9) Good night (1631) Bad night (4313)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

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(337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv

Replies (30) Good night (1567) Bad night (5971)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

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(401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928

Replies (5) Good night (5433) Bad night (960)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help

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(423): I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help http://tfl.nu/q44r

Replies (22) Good night (3690) Bad night (1470)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.

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(617): The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library. http://tfl.nu/8dpw

Replies (2) Good night (1165) Bad night (885)
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(480): View more from Arizona

In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.

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(480): In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me. http://tfl.nu/5anz

Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (1676)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.

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(480): I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it. http://tfl.nu/wwgo

Replies (5) Good night (1185) Bad night (680)
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(302): View more from Delaware

His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass

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(302): His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass http://tfl.nu/wy91

Replies (5) Good night (1448) Bad night (486)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

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(603): Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner." http://tfl.nu/q4fy

Replies (16) Good night (2659) Bad night (556)
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(407): View more from Florida

Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

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(407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n

Replies (10) Good night (1123) Bad night (623)
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(231): View more from Michigan

he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0

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(231): he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0 http://tfl.nu/ayul

Replies (6) Good night (301) Bad night (552)

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