The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table