I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.