we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
