I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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