Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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