I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we made out on top of his cat.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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