He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
