My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
