It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
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I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry about my life...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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