i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
