If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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