I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
