I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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