i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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