I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
