Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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