And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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