I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
