And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
