I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
