I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
