I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
