Little spoons don't ask big questions
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
