So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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