did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
