I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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