K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
