so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
40s are totally the cure
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
