bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
