he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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