everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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