Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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