I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
