your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
