I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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