shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
