I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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