So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize