Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
