And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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