ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
