question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
