so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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