is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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