Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
