He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
