Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
