Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
party gras won. party gras always wins.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
