P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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