he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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