She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
