Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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