Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
