If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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