I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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