nut hugger
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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