is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
