I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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