Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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