I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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