she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
